we all kept diaries as we were growing up. i wanted to be like a jacqueline wilson character, and having a colourful diary from woolworths seemed to be the best way to conquer this. recently, i found my diary from ten years ago..
and boy, did it tickle me.
i thought that with ten years life experience under my belt at the grand old age of 23, i could read this back with some sort of social commentary. so i present to you, some of the best excerpts of my diary from 2003, written in italic with notes from me in bold. some names have been changed to save my embarrassment.
Hey Marilyn! (i think i wanted to be a bit like anne frank naming my diary, without the tragic ending and the nazis and stuff)
This is my first proper diary entry. I've decided to call you Marilyn after my hero Marilyn Monroe. (i think my real hero was avril lavigne, and marilyn monroe was on a lot of t shirts from tammy at the time so seemed like a good fit.) she was one of the greatest women EVER and was a size 16! (because even at 13 it was shocking to me that a woman could be plus size and attractive. oops.) she was CLASS (first and last time i've used that phrase) i've got to go now, see you. xo (an abrupt ending as i was probably late for youth club.)
Dear Marilyn, (i committed to this name.)
School is FINALLY over. I am in year 9 now! Miss. Symon bought in this HUGE lush cake and I managed to sneak two pieces (still the same.) I also won student achiever and came runner up in a writing competition, it was deffo my day! (humble from day one.) i finally saw Arf, the sixth former that APPARENTLY fancies me but he's no jackpot (because i had a real line of lads falling over themselves to be with the greasy haired girl with glasses. check yourself, louisa.) Cassie and Rich FINALLY linked arms at lunchtime, taken forever! (ahhh the innocence of 13 year old relationships.)
i am really proud of some collages i've done. (when i say collages, i mean pieces of A4 paper with bits from smash hits/bliss/heat i'd cut out and stuck on with a stolen pritt stick). one is to represent my love of punk music (please kill me now.) one is to celebrate my passion for fashion (please appreciate how much this is killing me) and another to sum up where my priorities are (my 13 year old priorities where my friends and where i sat at lunch.) and lastly to prove my lust for fame. (alright kim kardashian calm down.) i just wish people looked at me and thought 'yeah she's soooo talented!' (honestly i apologise if you knew me back then.) gotta go love you! xo
Tomorrow is Dan's birthday which is from 2-10 (very strange times for a party) my parents are letting me go but aren't that keen. they seem to think i'm a sex addicted, binge drinking, drug addicted, smoking prostitute! (i can now confirm my parents were not concerned about any of the above when i was 13, and still are not worried.)
my brother is SO SPOILT (he was 10, and his birthday was the week before) whenever i ask for something i am told to pay for it myself and then Will gets PS2 games all the time (i was probably asking for expensive trainers and disgusting hoodies, so i thank them for not wasting their money) i can't GET money!!! also i am NEVER allowed out and my bro goes out all day everyday (he was riding his bike up and down the road) and the ONE TIME i ask to go out and spend time with my friends at an ADULT SUPERVISED PARTY (i really wanted to hammer this point home) my mum and dad act as if i'm a 17 year old going to an all night rave!! (the pinnacle of a controversial night out) PLUS hannah has the trousers i want and I can't have them now. (still angry at that hannah, i really wanted those low rise, pin striped trousers from punkyfish.) i hope things get better. bye. xo (hate to break it to you love but these aren't even issues. bless.)
I am majorly depressed (strong term) because of three reasons:
1 -- i am so fat and ugly it's a JOKE. no one likes me and it's so embarrassing to even be seen in public because of my disgusting face (this is still a constant thought for me but i have learnt to love my disgusting face.) when will i get better???? (you're average for about a week when you're 20, but then it's all down hill from there my friend.)
2 - i am constantly singing in the bathroom and today i sang the BEST I HAVE EVER SANG to 'leave right now' by will young (which i think we can all agree is vocally challenging) and i just felt like i was wasting my breath because no one EVER listens to me (not true. i am a very loud singer so the whole street would listen to me) i will never be able to improve my talent. (d r a m a q u e e n)
3 - i want some nike air rockets and i've got no money. (saving the most important until last.)
things HAVE to get better or i'll just DIE. (what a total cliche i am.) see you maybe (leaving it on a cliffhanger, i like it.) xo
and that's all i am able to stomach and share. as we can agree, i was a total teenage cliche. in truth, i was very happy with very little to worry about. god bless my diary.
until next time...maybe. xo