the state of the world right now, let's face it, is pretty shoddy. every day we wake up to hear of a new horrific disaster to plague the world, a new hashtag mourning the deaths of millions around the world. and still, i find myself worrying about my hair, or the tone of an email.
it's time we stopped worrying about some of the more trivial matters, don't you think?
What that girl from year 8 is doing now, and what she thinks of you now
we are all privy to stalking that girl from your form when you were 13, monitoring what they've been up to in ten years since you saw her last. chances are you both never even spoke to one another, except for that awkward time you were paired up to talk about bullying in form time. we stop ourselves from deleting them, because what would they say when they find out? heads up: they don't care. they probably don't even remember you exist, and have their own stranger they stalk. cut the chord and delete them, unless they've got seventeen babies and often post incriminating statuses about their boyfriends... because that shit is gold.
That email you got from work without a smiley face
one thing i feel we could have all benefited from learning at school would be email etiquette. learning how to sculpt an email to a co-worker that makes you look proactive, chirpy, 'on it', but also quietly asking them to do something for you without looking like a knob is a difficult skill not many have mastered. this would have been much more useful than learning about rivers. work emails can leave you worried for days, and cause sleepless nights as you worry you've offended someone, or worse, you've sent the wrong email to the wrong person. take a deep breath. it's all ok. emails are dangerous tools no matter how high up the ladder you go, everyone is wary of them. pop a little note on your laptop reminding yourself to CHECK YO'SELF before you send anything, and get a second opinion if needed. you can do it. oh, and never send anything you wouldn't want your boss to read via email. obviously.
Missing out on crap parties with crap people because you feel bad saying no
we've all been there. the feeling of dread in your stomach as you arrive at a party full of a bunch of people you don't speak to anymore, talking about 'how's work? where do you live? how was uni?' on repeat until you find a decent enough excuse to get the hell out of there. we worry profusely that saying no to parties and social events with long lost friends makes us horrible people, because who would want to miss out? saying no is not a crime, we need to remember that in this day and age our time is precious, and we should be spending it with people we genuinely love, rather than wasting time with people you went to lectures with for a year because you're worried you'll hurt their feelings. there will be more parties, hun.
Money, not having money, who has money, and how you spend it
money is a big worry of mine, and all my friends around me. we worry we aren't getting enough, where it has to stretch to over the month, and the stupid thoughts of 'if i hadn't bought that darn rubber when i was 12 i would probably be a millionaire by now!' it is true that money doesn't quite stretch far enough some months, but partially because i buy clothes, go out, enjoy myself. not because i'm on the breadline with my electricity off, feeding 3 children. i tweet from an iPhone 6 that i have no money, whilst i check my iWatch for notifications. i am not exactly little orphan annie. yes, sometimes you may dip into your overdraft, and sometimes you may have to say no to that amazing new asos dress...but ultimately, it's all going to be ok. we'll get by. money isn't everything, it's the experiences it buys you that you'll remember (although i wish i could get my money back after watching deadpool at the cinema. waste.)
That indirect tweet that was DEFINITELY AIMED AT YOU (hint: it wasn't)
...and other social media anxieties. we live in a world of constant communication, warped realities and edited photos of 'the best night ever'. we feel that we have to post seven photos of our face to remind everyone we're still here and still pretty. we worry when we tweet, when we don't tweet, when we snapchat, when we don't...will people know we still exist? will they know we're also having THE BEST TIME EVER? social media is one of the best and worst things of our generation, and the bane of many of our worries. let me tell you, it does not matter what you post. as much as i am a social media demon, the world will not stop turning because you didn't get a selfie of your sick make up the other night, and indirect tweeters are boring as hell - starting drama for no reason. use social media to make you feel good, not other people. boost your own selfie-steem.
The fact you can't fit into the weird bodycon dress you wore aged 18 (and other weight issues)
let's get one thing out the way here - your body will one hundred per cent look different to the way it did when you were 18. when i was 18, i could eat what i wanted, when i wanted, and i was a stick insect. and i still thought i was fat. the tears i've shed over not fitting in size 8 dresses, when deep down i knew just getting a size 10 would make me feel fabulous. clothing sizes are bull shit, and are based on the fabric the company use, not to make you feel fat. chances are, you're not fat, you're fab - and it's time we all tried to believe in ourselves a bit more. marilyn monroe was a size 16, and you know kimmy k couldn't squeeze her famous derriere into a size 12. breathe out darling, you look perfect.
Babies, marriage, and other grown up stuff that you thought you'd be doing by now
when i was 16, i thought at 23 i'd be married, probably a multimillionaire with a baby on the way. 23 seemed a ridiculously old age to be, and one where my life would 100% be together. you can imagine my dismay when i realised pretty soon after that this would not be my reality...but secretly, would i even want that right now? absolutely not. the media spout stories everyday how the prime age for a woman to have a baby is 21, and how we will never buy houses...have happy marriages...and do you know what? maybe we won't. but, maybe we will. these are the pivotal moments in life you can't plan. you can't worry about things that may or may not happen, and please stop following the route the mail online dictate for your life. if you believe everything you read, you'll also be eating pig livers every day and spitting at your boss to assert your authority. mail online is not bible.
Lindsay Lohan. Because girl ain't ever making her comeback. Accept it.
Until next time xo