Monday, 13 June 2016

the five faces of a 23 year old

a demonstration of sass.

the other day, i was bouncing around my kitchen like a mad woman. 

i was happy as larry, smiling, singing, even going out of my way to answer all my whatsapp conversations (which is a pretty big achievement for me). i felt like snow white as she cleaned the house, whistling while she worked.

but then, 20 minutes passed.

i was sat in my room, and i felt like draco malfoy when harry beats him at quidditch. i deleted random people on Facebook for sharing 'VOTE LEAVE' posts, i sneered at tweets, and watched videos of 5 year old singing sensations and brushed them off as 'just ok'. i was a different person in the space of 20 minutes.

i monitored my moods over the next couple of days, and realised i am at least five different people in the space of the day. so, ladies and gentleman, please meet my five faces. 

1 - the sass
we all have a bit of sass within us. it's a trendy face to wear, one that brands like missguided brand all over t shirts with unicorns on. but that's not what sass is to me. my sass face could also be named 'resting bitch face', a face that comes out often when things... let's just say, aren't to my taste. examples include 'colleague saying something stupid at work...a friend's boyfriend gets a new unwanted male gets too close in a club'. it can even be extended to scenarios such as 'not being able to read something far away' - or that could just be my eye sight. the sass makes me in control, pretty funny, and feeling myself. the sass is often teamed with a killer outfit, winged eyeliner, and attitude. suck it. 

2 - the sweet
this face can come out around a variety of people. clients, grandmothers, parents, new people... aka, people who can't handle the real you (sass face). this face is very polite, very kind, and sometimes a little weird when you realise you're wearing it. common features include your voice going up a few semitones, a smile plastered on your face for 2-3 hours at a time (only broken when you take a breather in the loo) and wowing yourself at the vocabulary you come out with. who knew you could put the word 'gregarious' into a sentence?! pleasure to meet you, i'm louisa the sweetie pie. 

3 - the tracy beaker
and by this, i don't mean you find yourself weeping on your bed, blaming hay fever wearing 3/4 length shorts and telling everyone to bog off whilst a slow version of 'i can make my world come true' plays in the background. or do i... my inner tracy often comes out when i've really lost my rag. when i can't cope with the stupidity of the world when i am clearly so perfect. common phrases of the tracy face include intellectual insights such as 'shut up...omg you're so annoying...get out...don't ever talk to me again'. the face was perfected growing up with a younger brother. NOTE: the face can also be internalised, and matched with a sweet exterior whilst inside your head you're yelling profanities. one to master if you find yourself speaking to people on a regular basis, i should add...because beaker is always best. 

4 - the mrs motivator 
you know those days where you send 30 emails before 9am, smash your to do list, power through your workout AND make time to see your friends? yes. that's my mrs motivator face. she can do no wrong, and positivity is her drug (along with diet coke). nothing stands in my way when i've got this face on, and she works well with a little bit of sass. when i'm wearing this face, i finish my day lying in bed practising my nobel prize speech, thinking of titles for my memoir, and deciding who should play me in a film of my life. i imagine it's how beyonce feels every god damn day, and it's one of my favourites... however, often gets sidetracked by...

5 - the sloth
yes. the one that gets in the way of mrs motivator. the sloth often appears after a hard day of work, on a sunday afternoon, or at 3pm on a wednesday when i really could do without it. the sloth also brings with it its two mates, greed and gluttony. they work together to keep me lying on my bed, in my pyjamas covered in crumbs, eating packs of double stuffed oreos whilst i watch 3 hours of youtube videos called 'CELEBZ FIGHT BACK TO PAPARAZZI' (this is a true story). it's swiftly followed by a nap, and regret as i think this is probably not how gigi hadid trained for the victoria's secret show. a good face to wear after a night out, not so useful when you're sat in an important meeting and your eyelids keep closing. u do u sloth.

of course, i'm also jealous, angry, sad, needy, irrational, hilarious, happy, silly, ridiculous, bitchy, and a hundred other faces...

 but consistency isn't something i signed up for. so buckle up and enjoy the ride.

until next time xo 

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