Friday, 9 January 2015

is this 21?


I’m 21.

Should I be more adult? Should I be more chilled out? Has it really been 10 years since I started secondary school? Is it weird that I feel that same as I did at 13? Is it weird that I still have pants from when I was 14? Whatever happened to Topshop Girl Boxers anyway? Is it strange that I don’t think I will move out for years? Is it taboo to think that I probably won’t get married or have kids until I’m 30? My mum was married at my age, why aren’t I married? Do I want to get married? Would I ever go on Don’t Tell The Bride? Would I stay with my husband if he spent all our money on going to Vegas? Would I be a bridezilla? What is marriage anyway, Kim Kardashian got married 3 times before she found Kanye.

Am I fat? Why is that girl I met once 5 years ago who I stalk on Instagram thinner than me? Does she eat less than me? Why don’t I eat better? Why don’t I go to the gym every day? Why can’t I avoid jam doughnuts like her? Would that mean I have abs and can pose in a bikini on Instagram and get more than 50 likes? Did my boyfriend like her photo? Why did he like her photo? Why didn’t he like my latest selfie of me pouting, but he liked her photo? Should I take more selfies? Do I need the new iPhone to take better selfies? Should I start eating 800 calories a day? Why does everyone like avocado? Why don’t I like avocado? What am I missing?

Do I like my job? Of course I do, how else will I get money? How else could I buy shiny shoes and ridiculously expensive eyeshadow? Should I be travelling like everyone else? Why can she afford to go travelling and I can’t? What am I missing in Thailand and Australia? Will I ever be able to travel? Should I be finding myself? What does it mean to find myself? Does it mean smoking a lot of weird stuff and wearing floaty skirts? If that’s it, I’m not sure I’m that fussed…

Am I superficial? Should I care less about the way I look? Do I wear too much make up? Should I buy that foundation that makes your skin ‘selfie ready’? Should I stop caring so much about selfies? Is my hair ok? Would I pull off purple hair? How do I get rid of this purple hair? Would my Mum let me have purple hair? Where did she get her skirt? Why can’t I ever find anything nice? Why is everything so expensive?

Will I ever be able to get drunk on a Tuesday night again? Will I ever drink a VK again? Is there ever going to be a happier time in my life than dressing up as Tinkerbell and singing S Club 7? What does my degree even MEAN? Will anyone ever ask me about Postcolonial literature again? Will I ever write an essay again? Is it sad that I want to write an essay? Why do I hate Freshers so much? Why is it the minute I graduated I became incapable of staying out past 2am?

Why do I have so many questions? Will my twenties stay this confusing?



Who knows?
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3 comments

  1. I absolutely LOVE this post! It asks so many questions I've asked myself so many times! Btw avocado is good, try it twice and you'll probably be surprised! ;) xx

    www.ohhellomango.co.uk

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  2. This is the first post I've just read of yours and I love your writing style! I think our whole lives we question ourselves and assume that everyone else knows what they're doing, when they're probably doubting themselves too!
    Thanks for leaving me your link on twitter, followed you on bloglovin :)
    lily x
    www.jolihouse.com

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