Keep Calm & Carry On

I’ve scoured the internet trying to find ‘self-help’ guides for when you feel like absolutely everything is going wrong. I’ve tried to relate to those awful horoscopes you read, nodding in fake agreement when it tells me everything will be ok. I even sat there trying to find a song that truly related to how I felt, but Adele is only good for heartbreaks, not lifebreaks.

I’ll break it down. This year I thought I had it sorted, I graduated, had a top job in fashion PR, had those really nice black ankle boots from Topshop (you know the ones). Yup, for me, that was everything sorted. Until, in the space of a month, in the following happened: family dog died, my entire family home was ruined in a horrible house fire, my nanny collapsed, my dad had a minor stroke, and my uncle unfortunately took his own life. My life became more complicated than an episode of Eastenders at Christmas, and I quite frankly, couldn’t handle it.

On top of all of this total confusion, I realised that my job I had been so jammy about wasn’t what I expected. I felt underused and underpaid, and I was frustrated, as I had so much to give, I was a fresh graduate wanting to learn. I felt stupid having to come into work and update my managers on the next dramatic episode in my life, answering the same questions over and over again…No, I don’t know how the fire started…yes, at least we are all OK… yes, at least I was there… yes, at least he is at peace…

I felt like screaming, actually, it’s not OK. There are no ‘at least’s’ that can soothe a situation like that. Of course I’m pleased that none of us died, that the dog is at peace, that my uncle is at peace, that my dad is ok and that my nanny is ok… but when you’re living it, it doesn’t seem like things will ever be OK. I lost my dog, my house, my possessions, I had to start again. And on top of this unknown situation, I also had to cope with my dad being ill, and the other issues. There is no guide book for this. As if being 21 wasn’t hard enough without having the rug beneath your feet swept from underneath you.

So how have I dealt with this situation? And what can I say to people who may also feel like their lives are falling apart? It’s simple, it’s cliché, and LORD KNOWS I HATE CLICHES, but it’s just carrying on. You try and smile about things, laugh about things with your parents and friends; accept that some things are just out of your control. If you feel like things are really bad, talk to a third party. The Samaritans are there 24 hours a day to help you, and they will just listen, they won’t try and console or give advice, they just let you rant until you literally have nothing else to say.

The one thing that I think helped me stay completely sane was just reacting however I wanted to. I never tried to keep anything in, and I never tried to pretend everything was fine. If I wanted to cry, I did. If I felt like being horrible (which I did, quite a lot, sorry) I was horrible and dismissive and quiet. When I wanted to laugh, I did. I never tried to pretend I was OK, but I let people know, and I truly believe being honest allowed me to kind of move on. Whilst it will always be a period of my life I won’t forget, I think I’m ok with it all now. Weirdly, my epiphany of ‘hey I’m ok with the fire’ came when I saw Ed Sheeran and he sung ‘I See Fire’. What a loser, but it’s true.

I don’t really know why I’m writing this. But I think it’s a good way to say SEE YOU LATER to all this rubbish, as I am actually very very close to moving into my house after 6 months. It will be a building site, but I don’t care.

This is a post for those of you who have had relatively normal lives, and then things change. For those of you who hate drama, but have it thrust upon you when you want it to go away. For those of you who feel like things just continually go wrong, and why is it always you? It’s a post to say it’s going to be absolutely fine, cry if you want to, see a doctor, speak to your friends, go out, don’t feel bad, buy that new mac make up, buy that expensive bag – it will always be OK in the end. 

And if it’s not, it’s not the end. 

Things You Shouldn't Feel Bad For Enjoying

Like this Christmas jumper, life is full of guilty pleasures. But why are we made to feel bad for enjoying these things? I hereby will never apology for the following again:

   1- Drinking full fat coke. It seems to be an awkward secret when you open a can of that sweet sweet nectar, full of gorgeous sugar and yummy caffeine to brighten up your 2pm droop. I will gulp my full fat coke with pride.

      2- Knowing everything there is about the Kardashians. So what if I know when Kourtney gave birth, the age orders of all the children (including the Jenner boys. Oh yes, I’m a fan), and vocalise on a daily basis how upset I still am about Khloe and Lamar. They are TV Royalty.

      3-  Getting most of my daily knowledge from The Daily Mail & Buzzfeed. I work in PR, I read papers every single day, I know what’s going on in the world. Leave me be if I want to know what Helen Flanagan wore to a D-List party, or for totally agreeing with ’21 Things only Harry Potter Fans Understand.’

      4- Loving One Direction. I tried. I really did try to distance myself. But their catchy tunes and polished good looks have enticed me in. I will no longer try and be quiet when humming along to ‘Steal My Girl’, and pretend that it would be ‘totally lame’ to see them in concert…when in actuality, I did check for tickets the other day. Sold out. Sob.

5-  Following on from this, I wholeheartedly admit that I fancy Harry Styles. Not even sorry.

   6-    Not getting the house music trend. I just don’t get it guys. I like to go to a club, dance and sing. I don’t like standing there for 5 hours nodding my head to beeps and repetitive beats. Call me old, but stick on something else would ya DJ?

     7-  At 21 years old, still totally buying into the Disney trend. Topshop doing Disney pants and pyjamas? Take my money, nostalgia sells folks.

       8-   Loving the occasional selfie. Whilst the word sends a slight shiver up my spine, I can no longer pretend I don’t love a good selfie. Not that I love myself, but lord above do I love #demfliterz.

      9-   Not knowing 100% when I will move out. I’m asked on a daily basis by friends/family when I think I’ll move out. On paper, it all adds up – good job, stable income…so surely I should pack my bags and go? Not so fast fellas. 21 isn’t what it used to be. I’m more of a child than I was at 11, when I probably could have moved out and got a mortgage (I was very independent). Sorry Mum & Dad, I’m here for a bit longer.

   10-  And finally, and definitely most importantly, there will never be an apology from me about knowing all the words to S Club 7, Steps & The Spice Girls hits. Coz karaoke audiences everywhere will thank me when I get the party started. 

favourite things: december

(fake bake mousse / new look boots / the missing / selfie stick / mac / eye of horus / dressing gown)

So whilst the weather is dark and windy, outfit posts are pretty much impossibility at the moment. I also don’t really have the means still to provide some smashing outfits as space is scarce, yes, I am STILL not in my house. That is definitely not one of my favourite things. Anyway, here are a few things that are on my favourites list this festive month:

1 – Fake Bake 5 Minute Mousse

I am definitely a bit slow on the uptake when it comes to Fake Tan. I was eternally pale throughout my teenage years, whilst my peers glowed (albeit a bit orange) beside me. But now, I firmly understand why it’s so popular. I feel like a tan really does transform an outfit, and makes me feel a little bit better. This 5 minute mousse from Fake Bake is perfect for me, absolutely no fuss and a gorgeous natural glow in minutes. This is good for me because I like to just get up and go. I will do a proper little post featuring my BEAMING tan soon, but I definitely recommend this.

2 – New Look Boots

These bad boys mean business. I bought these for a night out and I adore them. They’re super comfy but make such a massive statement. I wish I could wear them all day, they just make me feel like the sassy biker chick I am deep down. My dad didn’t like them, and said I looked ridiculous, which in my eyes is a great sign. (Hi dad).

3 – The Missing

This BBC programme is all I think about these days. Next week is the final episode, and my Tuesday’s just won’t be the same. It is centred around James Nesbitt’s character and his wife trying to find their son that went missing years before, very McCann-esque. I quite literally can’t tell you how it’s going to end. I’m starting to suspect everyone, it’s just so tense. Catch up on iPlayer for sure.

4 – Selfie stick

Please don’t hate me. I was as cynical as you when this first came out. I felt it was beneath me, as I clearly am the epitome of cool. When I went to Budapest, I sneered at my friend who said we should have got one. But then, I saw millions of them, everywhere I went, and realised they are the coolest things ever and I definitely definitely need one. I just need to find some friends to fit in the selfies with first…

5 – Mac Heirloom Collection

I don’t usually buy into the limited edition collections, whilst I think the ideas are cool I effectively think it’s the same product, and anyway who would wear blue/yellow eyeshadow (Mac The Simpsons collection). But I have been suckered into the heirloom collection good and proper. The new packaging is beyond beautiful, very Romantic-period inspired, and I just love the sparkles. I’ve asked for a smokey eye kit for Christmas, and have it on good authority that Santa has delivered, so watch this space!

6 – Eye of Horus eye pencils

I usually just stick to black eyeliner, and to an eyeshadow palette when it comes to doing anything fancy. But when I was sent a gold eyeshadow pencil from brand Eye of Horus, I had to try it out. I was pleasantly surprised by the pigmentation, it was a strong colour but not overwhelming, and had a real festive vibe about it. I think it’s look amazing to use in the corner of your eyes, and just to make your eyes sparkle. It comes in loads of different colours, and I recommend everyone to try it out J

7 – Dressing Gown

Not as glamorous as a fashion blog promises, but this time of year calls for comfort. My new dressing gown is literally the comfiest thing in the entire world and I wish I could wear it everywhere. It’s so soft and snuggly, and I love the pale pink colour. Pyjamas are the new skinny jeans people.

What are your favourite things? Until next time xo

2014, or, The Weirdest Year of My Life

a year in the life of me.

So, it’s the 1^st of December, which means 2014 is drawing to a close. Needless to say, it’s been a weird year. And to be quite honest, I’m quite happy to see the back of it. I thought I’d do a little round up of my top moments, some good some bad, and think about what I learnt from them (even if it is that the most important thing to have is a fire alarm.)

Leaving university.

For the past 3 years I had been in a happy little bubble in University land, where eating noodles for dinner and having naps at 4pm was acceptable behaviour. A world where I could wander around the house all day in a onesie and if I fancied dying my hair pink, I could. Well my friends, all good things come to an end, and in July I officially graduated from Nottingham Trent University with a 2:1 degree in English with Linguistics. I do miss University, seeing my friends everyday, doing weird things that respectable human beings wouldn’t do (ie. Watching Netflix all day eating dominos and ignoring my dissertation), but it is very nice to be earning my own money. Nottingham will always be my place, my little haven away from responsibility, and I’ll always love it for that. You da best Nottingham.

Getting my first job…then quitting and getting another one.

The whole point of school, A-Levels, University, interning is to get a job. Let’s face it. It was my goal in third year to graduate with a job settled, as I knew if I didn’t I’d just want to bum around for ages and I DESPERATELY NEEDED to start earning money. Luckily for me, well actually down to lots of hard work and perseverance, I landed a job in PR & Social Media for a big footwear brand in London. I found this out on my 21^st Birthday as I was in the business class lounge on my way to Paris, so I felt pretty jammy, and as if my life was now on track and I could just chill out.

Well, they do say that when you make plans, God laughs at you. I started the job in June, and after a while I realised it wasn’t for me. It actually came to a head in August after the fire etc (I’ll talk more about this in a mo) as I realised I just couldn’t afford the commute anymore, and I needed a challenge. It was amicable, but it interested me that a job I thought was perfect for me turned out not to be what I had in mind.

I’m now in my new position at a PR agency, and I couldn’t be happier. Making changes is scary but sometimes important for your own career progression, and it helps I work with one of my best friends everyday J yay for being a grown up (loose use of ‘adult’ as I still can’t cook anything and the thought of babies makes me want to run for the hills). 

The whole Fire thing.

If you read my post HERE, you’ll know that pretty soon after I started my first job my whole life changed in the space of a week. First, my beloved dog Ollie died, and secondly, my beloved house and ALL OF MY POSSESSIONS were burnt in a horrible house fire. I won’t go into again, as you can just read about it on my post, but it’s still not sorted. We are still not in the house, albeit that we will be next week hopefully, and the house won’t be fully restored for at least a year. I seriously look at my life this year in two parts, pre-fire and post-fire, as you just can’t comprehend how different the first part of the year was to the last. Everything is different, all my clothes are new, and my whole house will be completely different. It’s nearly the end now, and all I want is to move back into my house and just pretend the fire never happened. 

Realising that I worry too much

I think that the fire, and then a few other things that happened in the months after (which I won’t go into detail about, but let’s just say pretty much everything you could think to go wrong did, made me start to worry a lot. My friends and my bf say I worry about everything, always planning and stuff, and it’s really annoying. It’s such a pain to worry about stuff, and I do it without realising, planning out loud about things that I don’t need to. So my New Year’s Resolution is to worry less. I’m already worrying about it.

The nice little things…

I also did a lot of nice things this year. Like turned 21 and went to Paris with Joe…had an amazing 21^st birthday party at University which I’ll never forget…submitted my dissertation…went to Nice to see my best friend and went on a boat and saw the Monaco Grand Prix…got a Macbook air…got a car…went to Budapest…realised how good my friends and family are…oh, and I realised brown hair doesn’t suit me, I’m a blonde chick.

So 2014, can’t say you’ve been my favourite year, but you’ve certainly not been boring. See ya never, please introduce me to your friend 2015. 

Until next time xo